I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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