This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
