how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
