mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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