Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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