I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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