Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
