I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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