Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
