If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
