I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize