i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
