How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
