I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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