Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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