She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
