I hate all girls vehemently.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
