i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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