4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
