im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
