i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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