I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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