it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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