Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
