is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
