whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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