I want to have your abortion
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you had me at cake vodka
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
