If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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