woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
