can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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