Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
