I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
