He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
