im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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