the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
