you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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