I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
