why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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