Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
