Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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