big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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