It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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