so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
