Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
