In the future we'll all be gay
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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