He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
