I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
