New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
