the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
