did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
