This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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