Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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