I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my liver is dry heaving
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
tell me about the eggs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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