Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
