I am midnight drunk by noon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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