U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
