Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
