My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
