I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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