bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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