I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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