no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
