I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your cock deserves a montage
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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