I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
