I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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