just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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