Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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