I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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