You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My balls are so social today.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
