My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
