im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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