I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
