3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
