you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
