dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
