First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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