I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
