i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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