You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
