You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
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Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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