Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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