i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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