yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
